


All I Do All Day Is Dream About Us

by 99CANDY



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Cuddling & Snuggling, Eventual Smut, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, First Love, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hand Jobs, Kissing, Light Angst, M/M, Reunions, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 17:53:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27760309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/99CANDY/pseuds/99CANDY
Summary: He misses laughing hard with Donghyuck, misses touching him, hugging him, nuzzling into his neck.Mark almost wants to look to his mother for help or for some sort of assistance. Maybe she'll guide him to an answer about how to make it a lot less awkward on how to sit with Donghyuck.It's been three years since they've spoken, and although Donghyuck was his best friend, Mark starts to wonder if he's now considered an old friend of his.Someone he used to know.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Comments: 40
Kudos: 510





	All I Do All Day Is Dream About Us

**Author's Note:**

> Going to start this off by restating the fact that this work does get explicit.
> 
> I originally wanted to keep this short since the idea wasn't meant to get long, but I... ended up... making it a bit longer than I originally thought it would be. It was also really nice to write because I love friends to lovers. (Friends to strangers to lovers)
> 
> So, I hope you enjoy! 
> 
> Also, the title is based off of a song by Matt DiMona
> 
> Please leave kudos and comments, they make me happy !!
> 
> (Sorry for errors)

Donghyuck walks into the cake shop with lips that are stained red, lips that prove he has been kissed hard for the past hour and a half, or maybe longer. His palms are turned downward, aching fingers squeezing together like he’s desperate to grab hold of something until the insides ooze out. Maybe an egg if it were to break under his calloused hands. 

Maybe Mark could spare one from the back. He and Donghyuck could move outside on his break and smash a few against the wall like how they used to when they were younger and pissed off at their older brothers. 

“Got anything that says, ‘fuck you?’” Donghyuck asks with watery eyes. 

Mark’s chest burns upon realization. Donghyuck has been crying. 

Mark is a fool to be in love with his best friend when he knows that Donghyuck is moving away next week. But a fool he is, feet planted on the ground, frosting hardened onto his wrists. A fool he is with his heart aching and his teeth chattering as he pulls out a cake from the freezer. 

“Come here,” Mark tells him, his voice strained. “I’ll let you write it. Then you can go give it to  _ him. _ ” 

When they were younger, their mothers always ended up too upset with them about the shells of eggs on the grass of their lawns, so they always moved to ruffling up the sheets of their older brother’s beds instead. 

_ “Stop being reckless with your actions,” _ Mark’s mother would say to the both of them, a hand on her cocked hip as she stared them down in Johnny’s room. 

Mark would shield Donghyuck from the wrath of her words, feel his breath at the base of his neck as Donghyuck whispered words of encouragement, about how Mark was the knight trying to save the both of them that were in distress.

It would only take a single chuckle to get them both into trouble, to have Donghyuck sent home in the middle of their iconic sleepover of the year, ruining everything they had set up for the past eleven and a half months. But, the cackles they gave to each other after Mark’s mother left them alone were always worth the scolding.

Whenever Donghyuck was sent home, Mark would stand defeated as he sighed into his fist, as he hid his phone in his pants and snuck it up to his bedroom, sliding underneath the blankets to call Donghyuck to let him know that their sleepover would be on once the both of them were no longer grounded. 

That was when they were eleven, innocent and curious about how many hairs stood on their head. 

Now they were eighteen and nineteen, Donghyuck was seeing someone and Mark was completely in love with his best friend. 

_ Now,  _ Mark stands in the back of the shop he works at, Donghyuck's legs hanging off the empty counter space. He's lucky that they only use the area for papers and not food processing, or Mark would have his hands shoving Donghyuck's ass off in a matter of seconds. 

"What happened?" Mark asks him, busy frosting the side of one of the cakes he knows he has to get done within the next hour. 

They pushed Donghyuck's cake aside and settled for a talk instead. 

Seeing Donghyuck with his shoulders slumped and body slouched forward has never been a good sign from him. Mark has always known that it indicates more, represents something else besides the slight change in expression of his face. The slanting of his mouth proves him guilty of sadness, but there will always be more to it. Mark digs deeper into figuring out what each gesture of his body means. The bumping of his fist on his knee when he bites on the flesh of his cheek. The flaring of his nostrils as he glares at the ground. 

Over the years, Mark has just started to know Donghyuck for who he is and what he does.

And this, the way he tries to cross his leg over the other, or the way he covers his left hand with his right, makes Mark realize that he wants touch. All in all, a sweet and kind loving touch. Anywhere, probably. 

"I went to tell him that I want to continue seeing him even though I will be gone, and maybe start a relationship or something," Donghyuck starts, avoiding Mark's eyes. "But, he disagreed instantly. He told me he was already losing feelings and interested in someone else."

Mark's spine tenses. Every nerve that rides up his body goes stiff. Rigid. His muscles are tight. The frosting bag in his hand nearly pulses out from the tip until it has completely ruined the cake. 

Donghyuck chuckles at the distraught look on Mark's face. 

"Calm down," Donghyuck tells him. "It's fine. Whatever."

"It's not fine," Mark speaks up, setting down the bag and turning to Donghyuck. He unties his apron and hangs it up before he walks toward him. "He's a fucking dick. That's what he is."

Donghyuck swings his arms over Mark's neck to pull him in, to graze his nail beds over the skin underneath Mark's ears, to calm him down. Of course Mark goes lax at the sensation. There's never been a time where he hasn't been lulled from the touch of Donghyuck. 

"I suppose he deserves a cake, huh? Wasn’t very nice of him to do that. He could have just broken things off, we weren’t even  _ together _ together, but you don’t just do that to someone.” Donghyuck's head hangs low, but Mark never lets him fall down.

Instead, his fingers fall to Donghyuck's chin as he lifts him up until their eyes border over the emotions that lie silenced and dead between them. Mark doesn't really know how to play the game of responses with him. He doesn't know where to step on the stones of understanding with Donghyuck.

"Does he like chocolate?" Mark asks, heart vibrating viciously against his ribs. 

Donghyuck shakes his head. 

"He hates chocolate. He never ate the chocolates I got him for Valentine's Day a while ago."

"Okay," Mark nods his head. "We'll give him a chocolate cake."

The smile increases at a slow pace on the slant of Donghyuck's mouth. It rises and rises until he's frowning over it. His features are screaming sadness, but he's overlapped with comfort given by Mark. So simply, he doesn't do anything other than reach his hands forward to pull Mark into a hug. A tight, bone crushing hug. Except, Mark feels his bones go soft under the touch that Donghyuck gives him. He's always unwounded Mark with his hands and caused him to smooth over. 

"You're the best, you know that?" Donghyuck whispers. "I wish you were moving with me or something."

Mark grips onto his shirt, onto the feeling that he knows he will miss, onto the heartbreak he knows is coming. 

It's hard for him to imagine his daily life without the sight of Donghyuck, without a call at three in the afternoon, begging him to drive them to go get coffee. Mark can't even stand to think about no longer looking at the way Donghyuck's hands grip so hard on his own wheel, seeing as he's only recently obtained his license and is taking everything so seriously. He's  _ smart  _ for that. Mark praises him for it. 

"I know," Mark pets down his hair. "But for now you've gotta let me go. Cause I've got work to do, man. I'll come over later? When I finish my shit and when I make this cake pretty for you?" 

Donghyuck cracks a smirk at him. 

"Don't make it pretty, yeah?" 

Mark rolls his eyes at him. He winks.

  
  


—

  
  


They're drunk three days before Donghyuck is supposed to be moving. 

They’re attending his going away party that is filled with tons of their school friends, but the two of them are rather intrigued with watching the heat lightning off the balcony. 

Mark has been drinking a lot more than Donghyuck, but his tolerance is higher. He keeps his hands in his pockets and makes sounds with his cheeks as they indulge in the silence and the cool air. 

"You gonna miss me?" Donghyuck asks for the hundredth time that night. 

Mark cranes his head to the side. 

"Funny," he carries his knees to his chest when he sits on the patio furniture. 

They're at Jaemin's house. A mutual friend. Someone that they've both grown up with, too. His parents own a popular shoe company, and Jaemin has been working at one of their shops since he was sixteen. Therefore, his parents are gone quite often for the expansion of business, and his house often calls for parties. 

This one in particular. 

Donghyuck sighs through his nose. Mark looks at him. 

"Why are you upset?" Mark asks, voicing the internal thoughts he has this time rather than keeping them to himself. 

Donghyuck leans against the rail. Mark is by his side and pulling him back instantly, mumbling in his ear about how  _ you never know how sturdy these things are. Please be careful.  _ But instead of leaving or leaning away from Mark's touch, Donghyuck just slouches back against him. And Mark holds him. He grips onto Donghyuck's hips and rests his chin on his shoulder. 

It isn't anything new for them. 

Mark holds Donghyuck all the time — Donghyuck holds Mark. In times of need, in the early mornings, when Mark had just failed his pre-calc test when he was younger and realized it was all just because of him missing one of the places to bubble in his answer. 

But things feel different under the storm that is headed their way — the two storms. The lightning and time. 

"I kind of don't want to go, you know?" Donghyuck rubs the crown of his head against Mark's shoulder. 

Mark sways them back and forth, the anger in the pit of his stomach pushing him to beg Donghyuck to stay. 

"I know. S'okay that you don't want to, but it's school. You should. You want it, right?"

Why is he  _ asking?  _ Mark knows he should be telling and encouraging his best friend to go, despite the pieces of him that are peeling and breaking, the pieces that are shattering and needing Donghyuck to stay with him. 

Donghyuck turns his head and jabs his nose into Mark's neck, twisting his body until he's just nuzzled deep, and  _ deeper  _ into Mark's skin, where Mark knows it must smell like sweat and a bit like sugar and most likely beer. 

"Yeah, and I'm excited," Donghyuck frowns. "I know I want this. But I'm nervous and I'm going to miss home. You."

Mark can hardly take his words. The underside of his jaw is numbing as Donghyuck speaks. 

"We will get drunk again one day, won't we?" Donghyuck adds, voice on edge. 

"Course we will. Get drunk and just cling to each other like this? This is what you like?" Mark tugs at the bottom of his shirt so it's not as twisted. Donghyuck only reaches down to help him fix it. 

His hair is matted to his forehead, sweat pooling at places like his collarbones, or even decorating his skin near his temples and the space between his eyebrows. He's dressed in a button up that has become untucked, with jeans that are ripped toward the knees. Donghyuck is beautiful in every which way, in ways that Mark keeps noticing as they get older. 

"This is how I know you best," Donghyuck slaps his palm to Mark's cheek. "By touch, dude."

Mark chuckles and grips onto his wrist. 

His hand is warm against Mark's cheek, but his expression lies cold with fear of the future. Mark understands why. But he doesn't say much after. He just gives Donghyuck an encouraging smile before pulling him inside to enjoy the rest of the night. 

—

  
  


Mark thinks that his last night with Donghyuck tugs his heart in ways that make him want to feel nothing at all. 

Under the shadows of lights in Donghyuck's bedroom, Mark feels empty. His heart doesn't pound, his mind doesn't race, but only vacancy lies. 

They play music, video games, and watch television as their ankles knock together in Donghyuck's bed. 

Donghyuck's older brother Jaehyun comes to join them in the room at one point, to show them some videos. He's replaced by Donghyuck's mother who sits on the end of the bed and smiles sweetly at the two of them huddled together near Donghyuck's pillows. 

"Are you going to miss my baby, Mark?" She frowns, running her hand over Donghyuck's calf from where it's hidden underneath the blanket. 

Mark chuckles softly and looks to Donghyuck the same time he looks back. Then, the emptiness in his chest is replaced by something worse. Feeling. 

Donghyuck ends up bumping his shoulder to tease him. 

"Yeah, are you going to miss me?" He asks. 

But Mark doesn't reply. He just furrows his eyebrows and part his lips open, staring at his lap soon. There, his breathing increases, becomes heavier like he's trying to find it before he cries. 

Donghyuck catches on quick. 

_ Of course he does,  _ Mark thinks.  _ He always knows what's wrong.  _

_ "Mom!"  _ Donghyuck exclaims through his teeth before he ducks his head under to take a better look at Mark's face. "Oh my god, Mom! You're making him cry!"

Mark tries to hide his laughter this time as his bottom lip trembles. He grips onto the top of Donghyuck's thigh, right before their fingers tangle together in a sweet embrace. Donghyuck only looks up to his mom to give her a jokingly frustrated look. 

"I'm going to go make dinner," she pats Mark's leg this time. "Come down when you're both ready, okay?" 

Donghyuck thanks her and then cuddles into Mark's side. 

Mark meets him halfway, his head disappearing into the warmth of Donghyuck's chest. It's a place Mark is comfortable with, a place he knows that makes him feel safe. 

He's lying flat on the bed, nose moving further until he's just sniffling near Donghyuck's belly button. The burning in his stomach has turned to an uncomfortable ache, radiating up to his heart where it hurts most. Mark knows that this feeling — the feeling of Donghyuck running his fingers through his hair is not going to last. He knows that he'll have to settle with a laugh through a phone for a while, that they'll have to build their friendship on things other than their usual sleepovers and playful acts together. 

"Hey," Donghyuck whispers. "It's gonna be okay, you know?" 

Mark knows that. But there's so much more to just settling down on the idea that things will be okay between them. There's obstacles to face. People to come across. And Mark is in love with someone who doesn't love him back, with someone who doesn't even know he loves him. 

Sighing, Mark picks himself back up and takes a deep breath. 

"Don't even look at me," he slaps his palms to his cheeks. "I did not mean to cry right now."

Donghyuck matches his position and sits criss-crossed in bed, knocking their knees together. 

"I love you, Mark Lee," he whispers. 

_ You're breaking my heart,  _ Mark thinks.  _ And I love it.  _

"You know I love you too."

Donghyuck pulls him into a hug. 

"You can come into my room and use some of my books when I'm gone," he whispers at Mark's shoulder. "I know you like to read them when I fall asleep."

Mark flushes red in hiding, behind his shell. He doesn't speak much about how interested he is in books or reading, or even writing. But Donghyuck's room is filled with books of many kinds. It's filled with so many things that catch Mark's eye. He crouches down late at night when Donghyuck has gone to sleep and he'll use a book light to flip through the pages, getting lost between the characters and their journeys. 

Donghyuck must know this about him, too. 

"Fine," Mark swallows. "Maybe I'll take a couple. Just to be reminded of how much I will miss this annoying guy," he grabs onto Donghyuck's ear to pinch it between his fingers. 

Donghyuck squeaks from it, slapping Mark's elbow. 

They laugh, the sound making the room turn to colors they didn't think they'd be seeing before Donghyuck would be leaving. Light pinks on their cheeks. Oranges and yellows to represent the happiness and the energy that flows through them, just floating on a healthy scale. 

—

  
  


"You know, my mom always thought that we’d get married," Donghyuck says to him after dinner, once the lights have gone down and once they have settled into bed together. 

Mark is playing on his phone, focusing hard on trying to win the round he is stuck in. His eyebrows are knitted as his fingers tap. But all of a sudden he's focused on something else. 

"Like, together? You and I?" Mark snorts through his nose. 

Donghyuck knees him in the thigh, causing Mark to drop his phone flat to his chest. 

He gasps. 

"Donghyuck!" He scrambles for his phone, turning it around to find the bold letters L-O-S-T sitting dead center on his screen.  _ "Donghyuck!!" _

Donghyuck rushes to the other side of the bed, turning until he's facing the wall, until he has nowhere to go. Then, he screams. Mark's eyes wide before he slaps a hand over Donghyuck's mouth for him. 

He quickly squishes his forehead to Donghyuck's shoulder as he bursts out laughing with him. 

They both turn into crimson, giggling boys soon, limbs loosening on the mattress, heating up from how intense the laughing becomes. 

"Why did you scream?" Mark whisper-yells at him. 

Soon enough, there's a knock at the door. Donghyuck yells through it, telling the person on the other side to come in. He sees Jaehyun standing there with ruffled hair, sweatshirt tight to his body. 

"Holy shit that's so small on you," Donghyuck sits up on his elbows. 

"Shut up, no it's not. It's only a little small. But, it's not mine," Jaehyun squints. "Why did you scream? Mom said to come check."

Donghyuck rolls his eyes. 

"Cause Mark turned — "

" — Donghyuck knocked my phone out of my — "

" — You literally were about — "

Jaehyun shuts the door. 

Donghyuck shoves his knuckles into Mark's lower back, and this time, Mark yelps. 

Once they settle, Donghyuck ends up twisting back to Mark. He rests his chin on his bicep and watches him play the game on his phone, both of them staring up toward the screen. 

The silence between them is peaceful, but it holds a secret of some sort, like conversations that are needing to be spoken. 

Need sits on Mark's opposite shoulder. He wants to put down his game and just stare into Donghyuck's eyes until the morning comes. But he fears that time will go too fast when he gets lost in the deep, comforting eyes that he knows are home. 

Home that is crumbling in front of him. Home that is leaving. 

"Have you ever thought about kissing me?" Donghyuck asks. 

Mark loses his focus on the game. 

His fingers continue to move on the screen of his phone, like muscle memory. He knows where to go, he listens to the sounds and the reactions of failing. Donghyuck is watching. 

Before Mark can muster up the courage to reply, or think about replying, the letters L-O-S-T come across the screen again. 

"Boo," Donghyuck curls into Mark's side, burning him. "You lost again. Give it to me, let me try."

Mark wonders how he can ask such a thing and not even react to his own words. 

_ Oh,  _ he thinks,  _ maybe because he's not in love with his best friend. And maybe because it's just a simple question.  _

Mark hands his phone off, curling into Donghyuck's side like he's unphased. 

"Yeah, I have, actually," Mark replies to him quickly, trying his best to be honest. It's been their rule since they were young, eleven and trying to build their friendship. Honesty was key for them to stay true to each other, no matter what. Mark figures being honest here wouldn't phase anything. "You have to shift here and defeat this guy first before you go into the next level, dude."

Donghyuck clicks his tongue and pulls Mark's phone away with a little whine, crossing one leg over the other as he bites on his lip. 

Mark doesn't look. He doesn't know anything about Donghyuck's pink lips and how soft they look. He doesn't know a  _ damn  _ thing about them. 

After a moment, Donghyuck's face turns to Mark. His eyes flash with something that he can't read. 

Mark despises the moments when he cannot read the emotion on Donghyuck. Most days he knows exactly what Donghyuck needs, what he's feeling, and what is going on with him. But now, as they lie shoulder to shoulder, Mark isn't sure what the flash of widening eyes  _ means. _

_ He really doesn't know.  _

"Really?" Donghyuck asks. Then, with no hesitation in his body, he asks, "do you want to kiss me before I go?"

Mark squints his eyes and smiles. He doesn't even take a second to react, even if his stomach is burning. 

"No," Mark is grinning. 

But Donghyuck pouts. 

"Aren't you curious?" He asks. "I am. I wanna know what it's like to kiss my best friend before I leave, isn't everyone kind of curious about that?"

_ Are they?  _ Mark doesn't know.  _ Mark is.  _

Donghyuck turns until he's facing Mark. 

"You have thought about it before?" Mark asks. 

Donghyuck smirks at him. 

"Of course," he replies. "But if you're curious about it, why don't you want to do it before I leave?"

Mark looks at him. 

He stares at the tips of Donghyuck's hair, dark brown with lighter pieces poking through. He stares at the pink cheeks on his skin, the tip of his nose, the way his eyebrows are so smashed together that it's making Mark eager to press his thumb between them to ease it out. Donghyuck is beautiful and he always has been. Even the thought of him has always been beautiful, Mark knows it. 

"I can't kiss you, Donghyuck. Not for fun," he says honestly. "Because I would never forget the taste of you if I did that."

Perhaps that is the truth. 

But Mark thinks he also won't ever forget the look on Donghyuck's face when he tells him that. Or the way Donghyuck's cheeks darken in their color, the way he presses the bridge of his nose to Mark's shoulder, and the way he sighs a shaky breath. 

"I would never let you forget me," he says. 

  
  


—

  
  


Turns out, Donghyuck doesn't have to work very hard at that. 

Neither of them make an effort at communicating during the three years that Donghyuck is away for college. 

For some reason, it just doesn't happen. 

The university that Mark is attending keeps him extremely busy, and on top of that, he has a job that keeps him working into the late hours of the evening. When he's not at school or work, he's meeting new people and trying to have experiences that are going to leave memories in his mind for the rest of his life. 

Meanwhile Donghyuck is abroad. He's  _ busy  _ studying, meeting new people, having his own experiences. 

Mark doesn't want to think that they have grown out of their friendship, but he doesn't know how else to put it. 

For the first few months they kept texting non-stop. Mark would say that they even flirted for a while, saying words that made his heart flutter increasingly. Saying things that had him rolling back and forth in bed, lip between his teeth, or even spilling into his fist once they got off the phone. 

Donghyuck was extremely hot, but far and too much for Mark's aching heart. 

He missed him like crazy. 

Mark had gone to his house to retrieve some books for a while. He almost would say that he had read them all, but Mark didn't have it in him to take all of Donghyuck's books. He didn't have it in him to keep showing up to his house, to his bedroom, walking into Donghyuck's room and drowning in the smell of him that he knew he wouldn't be able to have anymore. 

It was painful. Something that Mark couldn't handle. 

Especially when they went from flirting with each other, saying,  _ yeah, maybe we should have kissed before u left haha lol,  _ to,  _ sorry i didn't text last week, was busy. _

Donghyuck's mother asked for a while, but Mark ended up begging Donghyuck to tell his mother about their friendship and how they don't really talk much anymore. Donghyuck only sent back a,  _ k.  _ Then, Mark hadn't heard anymore comments from Donghyuck's mother, despite her being over all the time to hang out with Mark's mom. 

It wasn't like they had any harsh feelings against each other. It was just the pain of time and distance that sort of blew off their connections. 

But now, three years later, Mark gets word from his mother that their families are having a party over the weekend for both Johnny and Jaehyun's birthdays. Only because both of them are in town and because they haven't been together in a while. The both of them are a bit embarrassed about celebrating together, but they ended up sucking it up to spend time with the families. 

So on Saturday afternoon Mark stands in front of his mirror, hand on the light switch as he sighs a few times, trying to double check that the flannel he has on still looks good on him. It  _ does.  _ Johnny has told him about four times that he looks nice as hell, but Mark chooses to ignore him and glare at himself in the mirror to fix his hair.

The weather out the windows is sunny, yet cold on their skin. It doesn't bite too hard, but Mark knows that only part of the celebration will be outside of their house. He  _ knows  _ that everyone will be inside. He  _ knows _ that Donghyuck will be inside his home in anywhere from five to thirty minutes. 

And the thought of it is making him feel sick. 

He keeps himself busy by helping his mother set things up in the kitchen. He holds platters of food against his arms and carries them to the dining room, or even right outside to where some of Johnny's friends are already sitting, sipping on a few alcoholic beverages. They're giggling, and Mark's smile grows fonder when he sees how happy his brother looks like this. It never fails to make him feel warm inside. 

There's lights strung up too, all over the house. Balloons. Decorations. Mark just feels happier at the sight of it. He knows that deep down their families are also welcoming Donghyuck home, and they're just trying to have a party in general with some of the neighbors like how they've missed doing. 

He gets it.  _ Sure. _

Mark is carrying a pitcher of tea when he sees Donghyuck come in the door. 

He's dressed in light colored skinny jeans and a white button up with the first couple of buttons undone to reveal a necklace between his collarbones. His hair is significantly lighter and a lot longer. Mark notices that instantly, his eyes landing on it first before they travel down to his chest, then to his legs. He's also got on a pair of really cool shoes. Mark thinks he looks  _ awesome. _ And fucking hot. 

There comes a moment where Mark gets a slap on the back from Jaehyun, then a chuckle in the ear because of how still he is standing with the pitcher of tea. 

"You planning on staring?" Jaehyun says to him. "Or you gonna put the tea down and say hello?"

Mark glares at him, harshly stepping on Jaehyun's toes while he tosses a vodka lemonade into his throat. Jaehyun whines through it, but Mark doesn't stop. 

When he looks back at the door, Donghyuck is no longer there. This time he's across the hall and being wrapped in a hug by Mark's mother. 

And  _ oh, Mark is melting.  _

He never really thought that watching his best friend who he hasn't seen in over three years be wrapped in a hug by his mother would make him want to drop to the floor like putty, but here he is. He bites down on his tongue and hopes that Donghyuck will approach him next, or at least sincerely wishes that his mother is telling Donghyuck where he is. 

Maybe Mark would make the first move toward greeting him if he had gotten a better night’s rest.

Yeah. 

_ That's right.  _

That's all. 

Some better rest. 

_ "Hey,"  _ he hears, a voice low and warm, soaked in the depths of honey and sugar, a voice that Mark has missed and needed, a voice he wants to hear again and again, a voice that has angered him over lack of contact. 

When Mark turns, he comes in contact with the light hair up close, with the silver between the collarbones, everything that makes Mark's body tense even further. He doesn't halt in his movements or in his voice, though. He just grins softly. 

"Wow," Mark says. "Hey."

Out of Donghyuck’s mouth comes a scoff. A choked out, giggling sort of scoff. And Mark can’t say that he doesn’t find it amusing because it reminds him of a younger Donghyuck who laughs at anything that comes his way. 

"Really?" Donghyuck clicks his tongue. "It's been what, three years? And the first thing you say to me is wow?" 

Mark rolls his eyes like it's natural. It almost comes across that way, leaning his hip on the counter as he watches Mark fiddle with the edging on the table run. 

God, Mark thinks that Donghyuck's smile might have even become prettier, larger, and much sweeter. His lips are still pink and kind, almost dangerous. But Mark can't glance at them for long. 

"Do you blame me? Three years man," he loosens up the distress on his face and extends his hands out. "How the fuck are you?" 

Donghyuck's eyes squint before he's coming in for a hug. 

Mark sort of hopes that Donghyuck will lift his arms over his neck so he can be reminded of an older time, so he can hear Donghyuck near his ear, feel him against his body as they become closer toward skin to skin. It's a common gesture from Donghyuck for him to hug like that, which is why Mark is surprised when he wraps his arms around his waist and turns to the side, only giving their chests the opportunity to hit each other for barely a moment. 

It leaves Mark flaring up under his skin, with a hopeless sensation of remembrance. Three years ago. The last time they touched. 

Mark almost wants to yank him forward for a proper hug, longer and something more than a quick and welcoming embrace. He wants to grip onto his best friend and whisper in his ear about how much he misses him, or ask him a million questions. 

But then again, maybe Mark is getting his timeline wrong. 

They're standing in front of a pitcher of tea at a birthday party. 

Maybe it isn't the time to hold his friend close to worry about him. 

"I'm good, yeah," Donghyuck pulls away and hits the side of his hand against his hip. "I'm back, that's the first thing I should probably mention."

Mark grins at him, "I see that, yeah. Do you wanna talk about it with me?"

He asks for the sake of knowing that maybe something had gone wrong, or maybe something is currently going wrong. He doesn't want Donghyuck to feel like he needs to discuss it right now.

They keep mirroring each other's smiles. 

"Of course, sure," Donghyuck says. "You can go show me if your room is still the same after all the years I haven't been in there to help you change it up."

Mark's eyes widen. 

He chuckles nervously. 

"You're going to be disappointed to know that I haven't changed it," he says. 

"Not even once?" Donghyuck gasps as he runs his hand through his hair. He points to the pitcher of tea. "Hey, can I get some of this please?"

Mark nods, already leaning on one leg to get him a cup on the other side of the table. He pours a glass to Donghyuck who thanks him shortly, sipping on the iced tea. 

"No seriously. I've just been crazy busy with everything. I was never interested in moving my stuff around," he pauses for barely two seconds before he says, "without you here."

Donghyuck's eyebrows raise at that. 

Mark looks down. He doesn't want to step past the lines that are already pulled so tight between them. 

The way they haven't spoken to each other. The flirting that they did, the way they came over the phone with each other a few times. Mark doesn't really know who he's looking at right now, he just knows that Donghyuck has shown back up in his life and he's beautiful. He just knows that a lot can change in three years, and a lot  _ has  _ changed. 

There's something in Mark's chest that is cooling down, but eager to tell Donghyuck that he really,  _ really  _ promises that he has gotten better at flirting in the past few years. That he dresses better outside of what he's wearing to this party and what he used to wear when he was nineteen. He wants to tell him so much and wants to explain it all without even taking a breath. But when it comes down to it, Mark doesn't know if there is anything to explain. He just changed. And he knows Donghyuck has, too. If it comes up, it comes up. He has nothing to prove. 

"Well, if you ever feel like upgrading, you know your guy."

"I sure do," Mark laughs. "Can I get you something to eat? My mom says we'll be eating soon."

Donghyuck nods, following him through the house until they're in the kitchen, until they're weaving through the bodies of Johnny and Jaehyun's friends and coming across people neither of them have ever seen. Donghyuck laughs because he asks Mark who they are — but Mark tells him he truly has no idea. 

"You changed your hair by the way," Mark says to him — as if he didn't already know that. 

Donghyuck shovels food onto his plate. 

"I did, yeah. I needed a change. It felt really nice."

"I'm sure, yeah," Mark reaches his hand up to feel the ends. "And it's healthy too? Damn, what do you put in it?"

Donghyuck touches the other half of his head, running the strands of his hair through his fingers. He raises his eyebrows like he's surprised about the texture as well, almost intrigued by his own hair.

"Honestly it's not that great, you're probably just touching a part of it that's healthy."

Then Donghyuck is holding Mark's wrist and pulling his hand until it's touching the other side of his scalp.

"Feel over here, it's much more unhealthy," Donghyuck holds his hand over Mark's fingers, like he's encasing it. Mark nearly shivers at the touch.

Donghyuck's hand is warm over his and his eyes bore into Mark's, feeding nothing but a simple interest. 

Mark blinks once. Then twice. All until Donghyuck looks away with an awkward and shy laugh. 

"You gotta catch me up on some of the things that you've been into," Donghyuck says as he waits for Mark to finish gathering food onto his plate. 

Mark parts his lips open.

"Me?" He snickers. "Other than writing a book and decorating cakes? Honestly man, not much."

That's the truth. Mark is pushing the truth out of himself. Leaving out just the odd and tiny details about how he's tried seeing a couple people, or how he's slept with people for only one night. He knows Donghyuck might ask. He's his friend after all. Maybe he's curious about it, or maybe he just wants to know if Mark still likes peach jam on his toast in the mornings. Or if he goes on runs in the drizzling rain. 

They sit outside where the air is chilly, but not enough to turn them away. Johnny and a couple friends are nearby, their increased laughter making Mark want to bite down on his lip. 

He  _ misses  _ laughing hard with Donghyuck, misses touching him, hugging him, nuzzling into his neck. 

Mark almost wants to look to his mother for help or for some sort of assistance. Maybe she'll guide him to an answer about how to make it a lot less awkward on how to sit with his best friend. 

Although Donghyuck was his best friend, Mark starts to wonder if he's now considered an old friend of his. Someone he used to know.

_ No,  _ Mark thinks.  _ That thought makes him sick.  _

Donghyuck will always be considered Mark's best friend, through thick and thin. They just had a falling out for a while. If he even considers it that.

"This is good," Donghyuck points to his plate. "Did my mom make this?"

Mark nods. 

"She did yeah. My mom made the desserts, but you know them. They work together."

Donghyuck's cheeks turn a fuzzy pink, slightly warmer to retain heat that they are losing from the breezy wind. He pulls his sleeve down over his free hand and bounces his knee a little. Maybe he wants to go inside, or maybe he's just cold. 

Mark is trying to read him, but it's become too hard. His facial expressions are hidden behind layers that are new. 

"They are such good friends, I swear," Donghyuck's shoulders drop their tension when he takes a bite of his food. "Every time I called my mother when I was in distress she was always about to meet up with your mom and I kind of felt bad. I never wanted to pull her away or dampen her mood, you know?"

He adds a laugh to the end of his sentence like he wants Mark to chuckle too, or like he wants him to understand. But the truth is Mark doesn't. He doesn't really know anything that Donghyuck has gone through. Not even a single ounce of it.

Mark's gut is uneasy and his nerves stand in a straight line as his eyelashes meet together again and again. His lips purse together as he traces the rim of his cup, peering up and down between Donghyuck and the tea in his glass. 

There's no easy way to ask him what happened or why he's back. 

But Mark looks beyond his nerves to realize that he's looking at  _ Donghyuck. _

The boy he used to throw eggs with, the one he used to spend Christmas Eve in the snow with, sneaking around at age twelve trying to figure out how to make cookies to surprise their parents to convince them to have a massive sleepover. This is just  _ Donghyuck.  _ Donghyuck who used to punch him in the shoulder and steal his clothes, Donghyuck who would drive around for hours just to make Mark feel better. 

But this is also Donghyuck who left Mark with feelings that have been pooling in his belly for years. This is Donghyuck who Mark said he was in love with, Donghyuck who Mark hasn't stopped thinking about, despite the time apart. This is his best friend who he didn't even try to reach out to when he noticed their friendship starting to fall apart. 

And for all of those reasons, Mark feels extremely nervous to approach him. 

"Hey," Mark whispers. "I know we can talk more later but, can I ask?"

At that moment, Mark just hopes that Donghyuck knows what he is talking about. 

He is almost positive that he is catching on, because Donghyuck smirks slightly. 

"Yeah, I'm sorry I hadn't said anything. I probably should have led with that," he pulls away from his plate to stuff both of his hands into his sleeves. Mark knows this gesture. He's nervous yet eager. 

Mark looks around, to his brother, then back to Donghyuck. 

"Do you wanna just go talk in my room now?" He lifts his lips into a gentle smile. "I don't think that Johnny nor Jaehyun will miss us for a bit, huh?"

Mark nudges his knee against Donghyuck, observing the smile that spreads across his face. It blooms softly and Mark feels himself slipping through it, back into the past with him. It's nice. 

Turning to his side, Donghyuck just grins at his brother who nearly knocks down Johnny's glass. 

"Yeah, come on."

Despite them being able to do whatever they want, Donghyuck and Mark both sneak up the stairs quietly. Mark pokes at Donghyuck's back, telling him to hurry, right before he pulls on the end of his shirt. Donghyuck halts, causing Mark to slam right into his back. Mark bursts into laughter, toppling over on the stairs. 

"I was just trying to tell you to be quiet, not trying to get you to stop!" Mark whisper-yells at his ear. 

"Well?" Donghyuck chuckles. "What was I supposed to take from that?" 

Mark rolls his eyes and skips past him, trying to get to his room first. 

He comes back to the nerves up in his throat. The feeling that just swarms there as he lets Donghyuck into a place that they pretty much used to share, a place where Mark spent alone for so long now. 

Donghyuck walks around quietly, his footsteps eerie sounding as they bounce into every corner of the room. 

"No way," he points over at Mark's dresser. "You still have this?"

Mark goes red in the face. Donghyuck is pointing to an action figure set from a show he used to watch when they were younger. 

"Of course I do. You got it for me. We spent forever collecting it, don't you remember?" Mark chuckles, sitting at the head of his bed. 

Donghyuck picks one piece up, observing it from the front, the top, then all the way around. He just whispers to himself and then rubs the head of it to his chest, setting it back in its designated spot. He joins Mark on the bed. 

"That makes me happy."

"That I kept it?" Mark asks. 

Donghyuck nods. 

"Just that you cared enough about something we did together, you know?" 

Mark frowns slightly, lips turning before he even gets the chance to think about it. Donghyuck just stares at his mouth, tracing over his features with his eyes before he comes back to look at Mark.

"Do you remember that one time we made friendship bracelets and you really,  _ really  _ fucking sucked at it?" Donghyuck sighs. 

Mark squints his eyes and leans forward to shove at his chest. 

Donghyuck snickers before Mark sits back and crosses his arms. 

"Yeah, I do. Why?"

"Well, that's me right now. With school. It's like you and the bracelets. It just wasn't for you, so you stopped and helped your mom with the cookies instead, right?" Donghyuck fiddles with the blanket. "I decided that school wasn't for me, that what I was going for wasn't going to be worth it anymore, so I came back when Jaemin’s dad offered me a job at their company."

Mark sighs through his nose. 

Donghyuck stays frozen in his spot, eyes staring down at the blanket between them, palm flat as he uses his other fingers to trace around it. It's almost as if he's afraid of what Mark is going to say to him, or what Mark is going to feel toward him about the situation. 

"Are you going to feel happier this way, you think?" Mark says barely above a whisper. 

Under his throat, Mark feels a bubbling flame. A  _ want _ . He wants to pull Donghyuck forward to wish him words of encouragement and good health. The thought of bringing their chests together in an embrace that fuels both of their hearts in a simple song of peace. A whisper of comfort. That's all Mark wishes to give him. 

When Donghyuck looks up, Mark sees more detail of his eyes, the length of his eyelashes that appear longer than he's used to, the way his skin is much more smoother. His facial structure is more toned out, and he really has grown up in the past few years. Mark feels weak just looking at him. 

"I really know I am going to be happier this way," he answers Mark. "Definitely."

Mark's grin extends to his ears. 

"Then there's your win. As long as you're happy, I think that is the most important part. You've got that job, you can start whatever you'd like back here, you've got the support of me and your family and everyone. With that, you know that you can take on the world."

Donghyuck's shoulders slump. 

"Can I just — Can I give you a hug?" He scrambles into his words. "Like, a serious  _ I haven't seen you in three years and I really fucking miss my best friend _ kind of hug?"

Mark's tongue lies flat in his mouth for about two seconds before he pushes it hard to his cheek. He bites it next, just taking a deep breath as he nods his head. His arms are already in the process of opening. 

There are expectations of what he imagines Donghyuck to do. Based on what he knows, Donghyuck could either come plowing into his body or step forward slowly and cautiously. And Mark is surprised to see him climb forward, knee into the bed and eyes closed until he has Mark lying on his back. 

The soft impact makes Mark's chest float into a faster beat. It's a quick reaction, but the way he feels continues at a careful pace until his heartbeat is thumping in his ears. 

Mark brings his hands around to Donghyuck's spine until they rest at his lower back. They don't last long there because soon he guides them up until his hand grips at his neck.

Within seconds, he’s sitting up so that Donghyuck can better wrap his own arms around Mark.

There, Mark feels like he is being smacked in the face with  _ memories.  _

Memories of three years ago. Memories from when they were young and gripping onto each other in times of need, while watching scary movies, or outside camping. 

The smell of Donghyuck comes with a sense of nostalgia. It's so intimate as he takes a deep breath, soaking in scents of secrets with pinches of home and safety. It's just  _ so _ them. He grips harder. 

"I'm so sorry, Mark," Donghyuck's hand touches against his hair. "I'm so sorry we lost contact."

Mark shakes his head immediately.

"Don't say that please. There's no room for apologies with us. We can't say things like that because we'll just think about what we could have or should have done. And that'll leave us awfully worried for too long."

A short whimper falls from Donghyuck's lips.

"I know, but I can't help but think about how things would have gone if I just would have had you by my side, you know?"

"I know," Mark pulls away to swipe his thumb near Donghyuck's eye. "But where am I now?"

Donghyuck rolls his eyes, his bottom lip nearly trembling. 

"You're right here," Donghyuck pokes his chest. "With me."

Mark tugs him forward until they fall backward onto the bed once more.

"That's right," he whispers against the shell of Donghyuck's ear. "I'm here and I'm not going anywhere, okay?"

—

  
  


Within the next few days, Mark thinks he has a lot of time to think. 

Mainly about  _ Donghyuck _ , but in the end just a lot of time to run things over his mind. Whether it be the types of frosting he needs to choose for the right cake, or the correct words for his book he is working on — the document that sits open on his laptop until three in the morning.

He gets a few text messages from Donghyuck within those few days about how they should meet up for coffee to talk more, to just chat about what's been going on. Mark only feels a pang to the chest when he has to decline Donghyuck each and every time, telling him that he is too busy until at least the weekend. 

Instead, they settle for calls late at night and chuckle through the line until Donghyuck starts to breathe heavily and falls asleep. Which is exactly how Mark ends up at his desk around three in the morning trying to knock out a new word count by a certain time. 

Their phone call last night ended up running until four in the morning, giving Mark surges of butterflies in his stomach as they teased each other. He turned to his side and bit on his lip, face merging into a dark crimson red as Donghyuck reminded him of some of their calls from a while ago. 

When Donghyuck calls tonight, he calls around eleven in the evening, right when Mark has exited the shower. Mark doesn't mind it, and he doesn't ask Donghyuck to call back in ten minutes once he is settled in bed. He just... picks up. 

"Hey dude," he mutters into the phone. "Give me one sec."

Mark doesn't wait for a reply, he's already dropping his towel to the floor and hopping on one foot to get into his boxers, finding a t-shirt, smelling it, tossing it to the side before running across his room half naked and going through the effort to find a clean one.  _ Donghyuck would be cackling if he saw this,  _ Mark thinks. But once he sits on the edge of his bed, he sighs and presses the phone to his ear. 

"Okay, hi," Mark breathes. "What's up?"

Donghyuck takes a deep breath as he clicks his tongue, "so I officially got my job all settled. I start next week. Monday."

The beating inside Mark's heart rams against his chest. His smile grows so far that he has to slap his hand over his mouth to stop it from breaking him in two. Then he's placing himself under the covers and sputtering over his words. 

"Hyuck, that's — I think that’s really incredible. I didn't know it wasn't settled yet, but now that it is? I'm so happy for you, that's really awesome."

They spend the next couple of moments in a comfortable silence, bittersweet and smooth. Mark doesn't want to say anything until Donghyuck does. But Donghyuck doesn't say anything either. It starts to worry Mark. 

He can't read the expressions that may be clear over Donghyuck's face, and he can't map out his breathing too easily. So instead, he sits in silence. 

"Thank you," Donghyuck ends up saying. "Yeah, it wasn't for certain quite yet until I got the interview going, and I did. And yeah — yeah, I got it. I was so stressed these last few days, and that's why I've been hanging around on the phone with you every night, so really I should thank you."

For a moment, Mark feels his insides freeze. They burn before they freeze, and it reminds him of the way he used to crush on Donghyuck as a teenager before he had fallen in love with him. He had always managed to say things that made Mark's heart feel tight. And now, when Mark was almost twenty three years old, he thinks that Donghyuck can still do it all. 

After his chest freezes, his insides turn soft. Liquid soft and thick like molasses. 

"Well, it's been my pleasure to be talking to you every night," Mark finds the courage to say. "I'm really proud of you, you know. You never fail to amaze me. Plus, you've been helping me get a lot of things done too."

Donghyuck snickers through the line, and Mark grows shivers at how low it sounds. 

"What things are we talking about?"

"What is that supposed to mean?" Mark squints his eyes as his ankles cross over one another. "Work, obviously."

"Oh, right. Right, work," he teases. "Nothing like it was when I had first moved, hm?"

Mark hardly has the nerve to reply since he is so busy trying to control the way his body is on fire. 

One thing he knew for certain was that Donghyuck had gained so much damn skill at flirting and being brave enough to say what he meant. 

The tone of his voice through the phone, how he put so much detail into whispering to Mark how he'd approach different scenarios if they came to them. He whispered to Mark about how he should have changed things when they were younger, should have  _ stayed.  _ He gets Mark there with that one, right in the center of the chest. Mark runs his fingers over the skin of his thigh as he tells Donghyuck how bad he missed him. They are crossing lines, but it’s  _ their  _ line to cross. No one else's.

Mark isn't sure how they jump from talking about jobs to having his hand tracing over his thigh, hips shifting as he sighs low into the phone just to get a reaction out of Donghyuck. But Donghyuck's breathing on the other side tells him that he might just be doing the same. 

"Do you still bite on your lip when you don't know what to say, Mark?" Donghyuck breathes out. 

Mark lets his lip go. His face is burning red. He airs out a laugh. 

"How did you know?" He whispers. 

"I picked up on a lot of things you do, even if I was away," he shifts in his sheets. "You sound good like this, by the way."

Mark swallows hard. 

He doesn't think there's any possible way he could find words that'll sound good enough for a reply. Donghyuck is breathing hard into the line and Mark wants to fuck him. Simple as that. 

Through Mark's body runs a spark of desire, of lust, of running hot liquid that makes him want to arch his back and let out a high pitched groan. He wants to touch, beg, and grab. Anywhere and everywhere. 

"Donghyuck," Mark finally says. "What are we doing?"

_ Breaking my heart, _ Mark thinks.  _ That's what. _

A sigh flutters in Mark's chest. 

Donghyuck gives one next. 

"I hope you know that a lot has changed in three years. We may not have talked but I never stopped thinking about you. Regrets and wishes, realizations. All of it."

Mark gulps, hand gripping hard onto his thigh.

"Me too."

_ Yeah. _

Later that night, after they've hung up the phone, Mark comes so hard that he sees stars.

  
  


—

  
  


Now he sits at his kitchen table, his head thinking only about Donghyuck being home, showing back up in his life, looking so much hotter than Mark remembers. His touch warmer, voice lower and more meaningful. Mark knows that everything about him is beautiful, but now they're both older and everything hits so much worse. 

_ Harder. _

The thought of him is everywhere. 

Mark writes about him. 

Mark dreams about him. 

Mark is still in love with him. 

There's a knock at his door, and it startles Mark from his thoughts about love. His  _ thoughts about being in love _ _ — _ _ oh.  _ Mark takes a deep breath when he thinks about the things he is telling himself. 

He ends up finding Donghyuck behind the door. 

"Hey," Mark swallows. "What are you doing here?"

Donghyuck has his backpack over his shoulders. 

"Well, your mom was over at my house. So, I kind of thought I would come over to keep you company since it’s hard for you to get away right now," he grins. "Plus, they kicked me out of the kitchen. So, you got any food?"

_ Wow, _ Mark thinks.  _ He looks good today. _

He's dressed in just a pair of sweat shorts and a long shirt. His hair isn't hair sprayed like it was the other day of the party, but instead it's messier, proving that he's just come out of the shower and let it fall naturally.

Mark chuckles. 

"Yeah, come on."

He leads him into the kitchen, trying to close his laptop and gather a bunch of his papers together to make the place look tidier.

“Are you working on something?” Donghyuck asks him, looking through Mark’s fridge as he grabs just a few fruit cups to set out. He steals one and pulls the top off. 

Mark observes him with a lopsided grin. Donghyuck is the same as he was years ago, on a mission to dip his tongue into sugar, something sweet, even if it'll make him sleepy and warm in the face in an hour’s worth of time. 

“Just part of my book,” Mark beams, somehow shy about the work that sits in front of him. He’s already closed his laptop, but the thought of opening it to reveal the progress makes him want to chomp down on his lip. 

“I never really thought you’d be here writing your own book, but I’m not surprised,” Donghyuck sits across from him and digs his spoon into the cup, dragging it down his tongue as he sucks the syrup from it. “I’m proud of you. That’s exciting.”

The reminder is exactly the kind of motivation that Mark knows he needs in order to move forward later, tomorrow, or maybe the next day — whatever time he opens his laptop next to visit the characters of his book. A shot of encouragement feels like lust through his veins, especially from someone as inspiring as Donghyuck. 

“I appreciate that,” Mark tells him, slouching in his chair, staring at the way the spoon glides against his tongue. 

For a moment, Mark thinks that he’s doing everything unintentionally. The hollowing of his cheeks against the spoon, the little hum when he talks about how sweet the syrup of the fruit cup is. Mark has to kick his shins under the table when he gets too irritating about it. 

It starts to seem intentional when Donghyuck brings up their phone call. 

“So about last night,” Donghyuck says as he stands up to toss his spoon into the sink. “You sounded interested in my voice, huh?” 

Mark scoffs. 

“Do you blame me? It’s kind of hot, Donghyuck, and you know it, come on.”

Donghyuck, to Mark’s surprise, does a little spin on his socks and turns back around to the sink to wash his hands. He cranes his neck to Mark as he lets out a snicker through his nose. 

"Well, wow, thanks," he says. "I find your voice extremely attractive too, in case you were wondering.”

Mark is not one to react verbally, but he experiments on the edge with the slight gasp. Like a flicker behind his eyes, he recalls the way he was curled into himself last night, fisting the sheets when Donghyuck was teasing him, voice thick and hard at his ears. He was  _ right  _ there. Even if he was a few streets away and really just on the phone.

There's a pause in Mark’s chest, one that stops him in every movement, one that helps him sigh internally. From there, air trickles out of his nose and Donghyuck stares, wiping his hands on the towel. 

He grins pleasantly, traces of a smirk behind it. His eyebrow moves up when he hears Mark's airy breath. 

"Mark," he whispers, leaning against the side of the counter. "When I called you last night, do you know what I was gonna ask?"

Mark can't look away. Not when Donghyuck's lips are still glistening from the fruit syrup, and not when his best friend is blinking so slowly that he's reminded of the moonlight tickling at his neck while his body tingled so hard to the thought of Donghyuck. 

"What?" Mark asks, curious. 

Donghyuck just blinks at him. 

"I was going to ask if you wanted to come over," he declares, keeping eye contact strong. 

Mark inhales deep until he can't take in anymore air, then he sucks in his bottom lip. Donghyuck smirks at him. 

"Hey, there's that lip again."

Mark spits it out and frowns. 

"Oh fuck off," Mark crosses his arms. 

"No, no," Donghyuck steps forward and digs his fingers between Mark's arms. "Come here."

The way he's  _ talking,  _ the way he's chuckling. Mark is going to drip to the floor like soaked putty soon. Only then does Mark notice the goosebumps spread across Donghyuck's skin. He doesn't even waste a second before he parts his legs for Donghyuck to come closer. 

Once he does, Mark touches over his skin to feel the bumps there. 

"Are you cold?" He asks, not daring to look up into Donghyuck's eyes. 

Mark feels him shake his head. He  _ has  _ to look now.

"You give me these," he wholeheartedly admits, with his chin up and his smile peeking through. 

Donghyuck keeps whacking Mark in the chest with these emotions that make Mark stand so still, things that make his body freeze up before it burns and turns to goo inside. He doesn't particularly mind it because it feels incredible, but it's new and he isn't sure how to deal with any of it. 

"You know when you come so hard that you literally — "

" — Donghyuck!" Mark slaps his hand against his chest at the sudden change of conversation. 

"No, no! Hear me out," Donghyuck laughs. "You know when you, you know, and it's a life changing experience and you literally tingle inside so intensely and you feel frozen and it ends up giving you goosebumps?"

Mark squints at him. 

"Yeah," he mutters. "Sometimes that happens to me. Why?"

"It's mind-blowing, right?" Donghyuck asks. 

Mark doesn't pay attention to anything other than the vision of Donghyuck in front of him and the way he's tracing over Mark's palms with his thumbs. 

"And you're saying I am mind-blowing?"

"You're fucking mind-blowing, Mark."

_ Oh.  _

Mark really,  _ really  _ would like to kiss Donghyuck now. 

He takes his palms and turns them around until his whole hands are covering Donghyuck's smaller ones, until his thumbs are tucking underneath and in between their fingers. His skin is smooth, but the ridges between his palms are rough. Mark feels, and even runs his fingers up toward Donghyuck's elbow until he hears a hitch in his breath, using his nails to scrape downward. 

"Is your brother home?" Donghyuck whispers like he's just come back from a jog. 

Mark looks up at him, immediately being sucked into the hope and desire that are Donghyuck's eyes. There's lust dipped behind the shadows there, just hiding, like it's needy and nervous. Mark can see it and feel it all around him. It's like he's starting to grasp onto every emotion that Donghyuck gives off, every feeling that he portrays. 

Mark is understanding him once again, in  _ so _ many new ways. 

"No, he's uh... he's going to be gone for the next week. Something about... he's with his roommate's family."

Donghyuck hums, just watching over Mark's expression. 

Then, without any hesitation, Donghyuck is gulping down his thoughts and asking, "can I kiss you, Mark?"

Mark kicks his chair back and nods his head, standing up straighter as he grabs Donghyuck's hand, lacing their hands together as he rushes toward the stairs. 

"Where are you going?" Donghyuck chuckles. 

"The bedroom!" Mark yells from up ahead. "If we're going to kiss, it's gonna be damn near romantic in a bed, Donghyuck. You know this about me."

"Don't I," Donghyuck sighs as he rushes forward to hold at Mark's hips, pushing him quicker to the stairs, bumping together as they trip up them.

Contrary to what Mark imagines it will be like, kissing Donghyuck feels like a rush of emotions. They don't pause for a second when they reach Mark's bedroom. It's just a matter of shutting the door, reaching the bed, and then lips touching one another. 

Somewhere in between there they touch chest to chest and giggle against each other's lips, and it's all familiar. They're yearning in the small space between Mark's drawers and the end of his mattress.

Donghyuck grabs the blankets and teases Mark about how his bed is so messy, to which Mark only whines against his mouth.

To feel Donghyuck against his lips is almost surreal. Mark touches everywhere. His chest, running his fingers along his ribcage in a manner that is meant only for them to see. He touches near his lower back and taps everywhere like he's testing where Donghyuck will react. He's aching to pull him closer, to hoist him up further, to hike his leg up until the friction between them is suffocating.

Mark shivers and drops his lips open.

Donghyuck finds it attractive and brings his tongue behind Mark's teeth, thumbing at his ears, rubbing them back and forth between his fingers.

The sensation brews a burning sensation over the course of Mark’s skin. It starts low at his thighs and ignites up in his chest. He lets out pants of breaths to the feeling of Donghyuck touching him, kissing him, and all of it at the same time. He tries to move forward, but Donghyuck has already pushed him into a sitting position on the bed, standing over him.

They kiss with their mouths open, bodies grinding like they're reaching something together. It's unattainable at the level they're at, but both of them find it so intimate as they sit there in the lit up room.

Mark has his curtains closed, but the sunlight keeps them warm through them. It shines in on their bodies, letting them know that they’re soaked in the embrace of the sunlight. 

They touch and touch, the romantic caressing possibly becoming brighter than the light by the windows. 

The surface of Mark’s face twists with his eyes, his hand tracing kindly over Donghyuck's chest. He presses it flat to his heart, soon getting a smile out of Donghyuck that he feels against his lips.

"I fell in love with you the moment we met, I hope you get that," Mark's words are shaky, they're all over the place, but they're strong in terms of meaning.

Donghyuck knows it too because his hands slip from Mark's ears to touch the back of his head, down to the nape of his nec. Then he’s pressing their foreheads together. He kisses Mark hard before he pulls back, giving them a bit of breathing room.

"You're my best friend, Mark Lee," he says slowly. "My best friend that I have known for so many years. But this feeling buzzing in my chest telling me that I need to kiss you, yeah, it has been here forever, dude. It's just taken me too long to realize it, I'm sorry."

Mark holds his hand to his own chest, taking a deep breath as he brings their lips together, helping to arch Donghyuck's back until their cores touch.

"Don't ever apologize," he reminds him. "All we have is time."

"If that's the case, then can I please make you come all day?"

Mark pinches at his hip so hard until Donghyuck yelps. He bites at Mark's shoulder.

"Fuck off!" Mark hisses as he laughs.

He hooks his legs around Donghyuck's hips before he flies back onto the bed, pulling Donghyuck with him. Then, Donghyuck is thumbing over the blush there.

"You like it when I say things like that," Donghyuck kisses ever so gently against his cheek.

There’s room for Mark to blush, of course there is. 

Donghyuck saying  _ anything  _ gives Mark room to blush. 

But things like this? Mark flares his nostrils before he squints at him and lightly rolls his eyes. 

Mark reacts instantly, legs unhooking from Donghyuck's waist as he presses his heels into the mattress, knees just pointing up toward the ceiling. He shrugs and widens his eyes, fingers threading through the thick hair of Donghyuck's head.

_ He's so beautiful, _ Mark thinks.

"I like it when you talk to me in general," Mark covers.

"Uh huh," Donghyuck rubs his nose to Mark's before he glares at him, bending down to slot his lips between his.

It's a lot warmer this time, especially when Donghyuck takes his hand and holds Mark's chin, tilting him toward his body to kiss deeper, to take every opportunity he can to taste Mark, to drag out the emotions between them and just intensify every feeling.

Mark whimpers when Donghyuck's other hand grazes his knee.

"Can I?" Donghyuck whispers against his mouth, pulling away to drag his tongue against his teeth until their lips smack apart. He's then propped on his elbow and ever so gently trickling his fingers around Mark's kneecap that is touching the cool air. "Can I touch you, Mark?"

Mark sees the look on his face. The look behind his eyes, the look on his smile. There's something everywhere. And Mark is overwhelmed with a sense of home, a glint of warmth. 

All around Donghyuck is light, but the heat settles on his cheeks and cools off momentarily, making Mark want to stare at him. There’s delicacy in his cheeks, in the way that Donghyuck’s lips curl up into a smile. He moves and touches with caution and eagerness, his energy matching the nearest thing around him. 

Mark nods his head and brings Donghyuck back to his mouth, carefully. 

"You can," he says lightly. "I'd like you to."

Donghyuck smirks at him, putting more pressure between Mark's legs. His hand carries over the curve of Mark’s hip, their eyes meeting as he reaches, touches, and moves back and forth over the smoothness of his skin. 

"Like me to what?" Donghyuck asks as if he knows Mark isn't going to answer him. 

Maybe in another situation, maybe if Mark didn't have his hands lingering at the waistband of Donghyuck's shorts, an eager sensation growling by his throat.

"Fuck me," he murmurs as Donghyuck swears under his breath, right against Mark's lips. "Finger me, touch me, kiss me."

Each word makes Donghyuck's lips twitch, turning them pinker and more swollen as the time ticks forward. Every dirty word from Mark's mouth creates a rising flame in Donghyuck’s chest. Burning and fueling into a larger fire, making him gasp for his next breaths. 

"Which one first?" He uses his elbow to pry Mark's knees apart, scooting up as he grinds against him. 

Donghyuck’s chest lies over Mark on the bed, blinding him from seeing the ceiling, from seeing anything. But he doesn’t mind. Mark sees beauty instead, and is desperate to see skin and its warmth. 

"All," Mark swallows. 

"You're fucking good, aren't you?" Donghyuck rolls his eyes. 

Mark just blinks up at him, slow and hard, until Donghyuck kisses the corner of his mouth in two swift movements.

"I love you," Mark says out of nowhere, causing Donghyuck to squint his eyes and drop his forehead to Mark's chest. 

He presses a wet kiss over his sternum. Biting at his nipple, making Mark arch his back in delight, in an urge to touch Donghyuck. The hopeless passion swarms them, their ranges of voices moving from giggly to low and needy.

The burn returns in electrical jolts up Mark’s back.

He keeps his eyes on Donghyuck as his own hand runs down, over where he knows Donghyuck is almost fully hard in his shorts. Their bodies are pressed tightly together, so Mark adds more pressure for him, until Donghyuck is making sounds at the back of his throat. 

In a second's time, he's lifting his head from Mark's now wet chest to kiss at his neck, rolling their waists together. 

Mark whimpers instantly. 

Both Mark’s whimpers mixed with Donghyuck's simmering groans makes for a sweet sound. 

Donghyuck is murmuring sounds of  _ I love you,  _ while Mark is wetting his fingertips and finding the head of Donghyuck's cock. 

"Holy shit," Donghyuck stops at his neck, mouthing there when Mark encircles his fist around Donghyuck, pumping only once. "You can't go slow, Mark, I'm not gonna last but a second."

Mark blushes at that. 

He honestly  _ blushes  _ at the thought of Donghyuck's legs going shaky over a touch, over his touch at this pace.

When he teases him for longer, Donghyuck bites on the skin of Mark's neck, making Mark tighten his hips, snapping them forward. 

Their eyes meet again right before their mouths do, and Donghyuck bites down on the flesh of Mark’s lip, sealing their mouths together not long after.

"Harder, baby," Donghyuck tells him.

Mark guides Donghyuck's hand down between his own legs and takes a deep breath when they finally meet hands to skin. It's intense, and Mark's hips jolt up at the same time Donghyuck's move down, to which soon they move their hands to the side and find their hips rolling together instead for more friction. 

The tension is strong, and Mark feels the coil burning up in his stomach. It ignites and twists, but Mark's cheeks do too. Donghyuck is giggling at his neck and by his ear as his cold nose drags against his skin. 

The way he breathes out is low, hot, and Mark feels the dragging of his cock against his hip. 

It makes his eyes roll.

"Why do you feel so good?" Mark asks him. 

He  _ asks  _ him in the middle of rolling his hips right up against Donghyuck's. He  _ asks  _ because he's not used to being this intimate in this sort of way. This is Donghyuck,  _ his _ Donghyuck, but he's seeing him in so many new ways. Mark can't get enough of it. 

"Because I'm awesome," Donghyuck's forehead smacks against Mark's as he thumbs at the shirts between them.

Mark sits up so he can pull it off. It ends up getting stuck around his shoulders to where Donghyuck chuckles at him and kisses him through it, wetting the material. Mark laughs out loud and yanks it off before he blindly reaches for Donghyuck once again, their mouths running smoothly together, lips slick with spit and eager.

It runs naturally between them. The touching, the giggling, the joking around through it all. Mark wouldn't have it any other way, especially with the nerves that are still stinging across his body. 

Donghyuck bends down to kiss the bone of his shoulder, body still thrumming like a flame licking at his skin. 

"Do you have lube?" Donghyuck asks. 

Mark melts him back into a kiss, rolling on top of him to watch Donghyuck's hand move to his bedside table. 

Then Mark smirks, eyes warm and welcoming,

"It's not in there," he sits back on Donghyuck's waist, shorts straining and slightly wet from where Donghyuck was just touching him. 

Donghyuck stares at Mark.

He’s shirtless and sitting back on Donghyuck’s waist, so he reaches forward and palms over him, making Mark tense up and gasp. 

"Donghyuck!" He presses a hand to the boy’s chest under him for stability. 

"Well, you're really hot like this, hello?" He blinks like he can't look away. "Also where the hell is your lube if it's not at your bedside table?"

Mark frowns at him, missing Donghyuck's touch already when he gets off of the bed. 

"It's pointless to have it there because what if my mom were to come looking for some ibuprofen? Like what if we were out downstairs and she knew I had some so she texted me like,  _ hey Mark, I know you have some, is it okay if I go grab it? _ And I couldn't say no, so I would have to send her in here, couldn't let her suffer from a headache or something. "

Donghyuck is propped up on his elbow, just smirking at Mark as he bends down into his underwear drawer, unwrapping a sock to reveal his lube and some condoms. Donghyuck shakes his head. When Mark turns around, he glares. 

"What are you looking at?"

"You."

"Well," Mark fixes his drawer and closes it with his shin. He turns and digs his fingers into his hip, eyebrows furrowing and face twisting like he’s going to object. Then, he shrugs and nods. "Okay."

Donghyuck rolls his eyes. 

"So you keep your lube in your underwear drawer. I could've guessed that next."

Mark walks right over to him and stands over him, his feet still planted on the ground. He holds his hand over Donghyuck's mouth and lowers himself until his eyes are right in front of Donghyuck's. The light pressure of his palm against Donghyuck's lips is making Donghyuck laugh out heavy sounds, causing Mark to laugh in return. He just stands there until Donghyuck swings his leg to the outside of the bed and sends Mark over him, just until Mark is lying with his back on the mattress. 

All of a sudden Mark feels the familiar burn back in his stomach when he looks up at Donghyuck who still has the silly smile on his face. 

Oh, Mark is in love. But, damn is he needy.

"I'm gonna finger you first," Donghyuck notes. 

Mark's eyes widen slightly as he squints. 

"See, everything you're saying is fine and it’s true, but you say it with so much confidence and it makes me wonder just what you have done in these past few years to make you so good at speaking like this."

Donghyuck wipes the tip of his nose with his hand. 

He must be cold because last Mark remembers, that same part of him was freezing. 

"Besides think about you? If I'm being honest, not much," Donghyuck says. 

For so many reasons, Mark believes him. For so,  _ so _ many reasons. The fact that they've always been openly honest with each other, and because of Donghyuck's sense of care and the way he guides his touch. It’s all pure and intimate and it shows itself. 

Mark hugs him closer and whispers about how he was the same. 

"Also," Mark adds. "You won't have to do, like, too much. I've kind of, like, last night, I don't know, you know?"

Donghyuck scrunches his face up in a weak and shy smile.

"Gotcha," he mutters. 

The intimacy between them is clear. It's a thick piece of glass that they lie on, that they float on. Mark kisses Donghyuck when he isn't busy twitching his toes and when his lips aren't trembling with a moan. He itches with a need to be closer as Donghyuck moves in slowly, presses right against his prostate, brushes against it again and again. 

He doesn't do too much, and he listens to every single touch and sound Mark gives. 

When Mark reaches for Donghyuck's wrist, he slows, and focuses less on the pleasure, moving slower for him, just until Mark tells him he's ready.

Mark feels every inch of Donghyuck's chest before they’re putting the condom on and Donghyuck is lining himself up. 

He reaches for warmth, grazes against the goosebumps Donghyuck was mentioning, and arches his back before Donghyuck even touches him. The cool air against his skin does so much for Mark that he's opening and closing his fists against Donghyuck's back and soon has his chest to the sheets when Donghyuck bottoms out. 

At first, Mark doesn't make a sound. He just closes his eyes tight and focuses too hard on the initial feeling of it. 

"You okay?" Donghyuck whispers in his ear. 

But all Mark hears is warmth. Comfort. 

He tightens around Donghyuck and flexes the muscles in his calves, pressing his teeth so hard together. 

"I am," he says. "You can," he makes a motion with his hand.

Donghyuck kisses his ear. 

Mark swoons. He thinks he's a real sucker for those ear kisses. 

As Donghyuck moves, Mark finds his nails pressing harder into the bed. But Donghyuck bends forward and interlocks their fingers, finding any way for them to be touching. And Mark loves that. 

His heart soars. 

Donghyuck feels too good. He's sliding in and out delicately at first, coming up to a comfortable pace as he swears to himself. Mark pushes back against him, his hand reaching for Donghyuck like he wants close, and even closer. 

And when Donghyuck leans forward to press his body to Mark's back, Mark's toes twitch and curl and he forces his head into the pillow to let out a loud, muffled whimper. 

There's a moment where he lies there and lets the whimper drain out, but Donghyuck meets him by his head, pulling him up slightly to see if he's okay. But before he can ask, Mark is desperately rolling his hips back onto him and grunting out,  _ "there." _

Donghyuck's pace continues as he presses on Mark's back, the multiple use of, "fuck, oh fuck, holy fuck," coming out of his mouth. 

Mark's hand comes to touch at the head of his own cock, barely thumbing against it before his thighs start to tense. He's breathing too heavily, Donghyuck is fucking into him hard, and he's getting his sheets dirty just from the moment they're sharing. 

Donghyuck's hands gather at Mark's waist, rubbing at his hips as he helps guide him back to bring the snapping of their bodies to a better angle. The new angle makes Mark chomp down even harder on his lips, his eyes slowly closing from the intensity. 

It's  _ incredible. _

Everything is coiling up in Mark’s stomach as he's held at this angle, as Donghyuck breathes in his ear and leaves honey flavored kisses on his neck. 

"Oh," Donghyuck stutters in his movements. "Fuck, Mark. I'm close."

Hearing him say the words causes Mark to reach a new level in a matter of seconds. 

He responds with a whine, nails dragging up the side of Donghyuck's legs as he encourages him to keep going. 

Donghyuck does, just until he's finishing into the condom.

Mark is desperate to fall face first into the pillows to hide himself, but Donghyuck has him back against his chest, fingers pumping around him as Mark comes against his stomach. 

They breathe heavily as Donghyuck sticks his finger into the cum on Mark's body. 

Mark whacks his hand away. 

"You're so disgusting!" He laughs. "Don't!"

Donghyuck's smile is bright, so delicate and presenting in a manner that makes Mark fall more in love with him. Mark reaches out to brush the hair from his eyes, tucking it behind his ear. His head cocks to the side while his eyes squint. The crimson color on Donghyuck's cheeks has simmered to a pink blush now and his eyes still are dark with the lust that has spilled from them. 

They lie there for a while, lips catching between each other in tender laughter, both of them rolling over onto their sides to stare and stare into each other's eyes, soaking into the moment that they'd like to last forever. 

"Damn," Donghyuck says first. "That was hot."

Mark rolls his eyes and sits up. 

"Way to be romantic," he says, but is stopped by Donghyuck placing a hand on his chest, tugging him close until their noses are touching. 

"Mark Lee," Donghyuck says softly. "Don't move a muscle. I will get something to clean us up."

Despite what Donghyuck says, Mark follows him to the bathroom, startling him when he sees him in the mirror. 

"What if we just shower?" He asks Donghyuck.

"I could use a shower, I did go on a run this morning.”

"Oh, is that what that smell was?" Mark crosses his arms, tightening the blanket over his shoulders. 

Donghyuck rolls his eyes and pulls on both ends of the blanket until Mark is close to him. 

"Shut up," he mutters, finding safety in his mouth. "You mean the smell of flowers. Something good, delicious."

Mark kisses him and feels his body go soft under Donghyuck's lips. 

For a moment he thinks about what just happened, who they are, best friends that clearly mean more to each other. But, Mark still worries about the next step forward. So, he gulps and tenses as he pulls away, soon realizing that he has the reassurance that Donghyuck gave him, his love and attention, his heart and his touch. He has it. Donghyuck is here and Donghyuck is home. 

"Hey," Donghyuck strokes underneath his chin. "You okay?"

Mark nods. 

"With everything, physically? You okay? And then with us, are you okay? Are we okay?" Donghyuck pulls away as he asks it, probably trying to reassure Mark that it's okay if his feelings are elsewhere. 

But Mark only offers him the slanting of his lips, turning upwards. He looks down at the tile. 

"Physically, felt really fucking good. I'm a little tired, sore — "

" — I told you to stay there, you — "

" — I know! But, I wanted to be where you were. Plus, we should take a shower to clean up," Mark tells him. "But as far as everything else. It's nice, Donghyuck. It really is. I told you once and I will tell you so many more times, but I love you, I seriously do."

Donghyuck must not care how dirty Mark's body is at the moment, because he pulls him close until they are skin tight and until their lips are melting together. 

“I love you, Mark,” Donghyuck sighs. “You’re amazing. You’re awesome.”

He kisses him again.

Their bathroom kiss is interrupted by a loud yell from downstairs — by Mark's mother who is shouting for him. 

Mark goes stiff, immediately rushing to his bedroom door in fear that maybe she's heard something. 

"Yes, mom?" He pokes his head out, staring at the ceiling to try and focus on listening to her. 

"Hey, how come you left the fruit cups out? I don't want them to be room temperature, darling," she shouts up the stairs. 

Mark turns his head to glare at Donghyuck, who only goes red in the face and bites on the insides of his lip. 

"Sorry," he mutters. 

"Sorry!" Mark yells back to her. "I must've forgotten to put them up."

He flips Donghyuck off, leaning against his bedroom wall next to the door, soon being joined by Donghyuck who kisses at the back of his neck as he whispers a bunch of apologies to him. They both stand there waiting to hear if she's been home for a while, or if she's just walked in the door. 

"I put them up," his mother calls. "But, I just got home. I was wondering if you'd want to go out to dinner tonight with Donghyuck and his mother. I know it's been a while for you two but his mom and I were talking about how it could be fun for all of us to go get dinner."

Mark tilts to Donghyuck, who pushes his mouth so fast to Mark's that his head hits the side of the door. 

Then, while Mark hisses in pain, they both burst to laughter. 

Mark has to cover Donghyuck's mouth to keep him from being too loud. 

"I think that would be really awesome, mom! Yeah, let's do it!" 

"Okay," his mother replies. "She said maybe in two hours, so I will let you know."

Then Mark is shutting the door and holding onto Donghyuck's arms as they cackle together like how they used to when they were young, when something was so funny that they fell over onto the floor and laughed until their eyes were watery. 

"You okay?" Donghyuck reaches forward to rub at the back of Mark's head. 

"You really had to kiss me right then?" Mark shakes his head. 

This time, Donghyuck just offers up the sweetest grin. He strokes Mark's cheek with the back of his hand. 

Under his touch is pure sincerity. 

Something that Mark loves.

"I seriously had to," Donghyuck says. "Now let's take a shower and get some dinner.”

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> [twt](https://twitter.com/h_a_e_c_h) [cc](https://curiouscat.me/zoooooom)


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